Saturday, November 22, 2014

a mature decision

With a heavy heart I end my unrealistic fantasies that Richard pain will ever be my boyfriend. He is from now on a chapter of the past and I am moving on to finding a proper boyfriend.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Stressed out



I'm gonna imagine myself on a curve. Right now, I am at the lowest point, or nearby, called a trough I believe. 

I have a awesome bad habit which is to automatically distress when I feel stressed. It worked well for me before because it was all external stress that I was facing and my mechanism allowed me to ignore it.

Well it is kind of different this time. I suddenly feel a deep sense of disatisfaction with myself because this "thing" called a passion is stressing me out and giving self-esteem issues coz I so fucking suck hard at it. And having so many things to juggle is not helping in any way.

I want to do well in so many ways. But I am just stuck at this slippery slope, like the one in the Ninja Warriors game show, one that I'm always a little short from grabbing the edge. 

I suppose this is an inevitable stage/phase, and I firmly believe that I will tough through it because this is the time of my life to work really hard, now that I have a direction and had a headstart in it already. Not that giving up has ever stayed long enough in my mind because the following thought of doing anything else stopped it. 

I know this is so hard, and there are so many things that I want to do, and the toughest part is prioritizing and making the best use of my time. Sometimes I just sit infront of my screen and envying other people and their happy lives, and their perfect halves. 

Did I mention that I am single and not wanting to date at all, because I am so preoccupied and any guy that I go out with are just not able to distract me long enough before I feel that I should be investing time in my work.

Stressed as I may be, I do feel that there is no other place and time I'd rather be. 
So onwards I must push myself. 

Zbrush Zbrush i must conquer you!

Monday, March 10, 2014

new day

Thankful for a new day. A new day to make changes, a new day to observe, a new day to invent, a new day to make mistakes, a new day to make amends.

I’m thankful for the peace that we have encapsulated from the chaos in the world. I’m thankful to know the whereabouts of my loved ones and wish them a good day today.

A new day for new creations, a new day to learn a new skill. Thankful for the seats on the train.

Not thankful for the stupid mistake I made.

Thankful for the likes on my drawings, not thankful for the silence.

new day

Thankful for a new day. A new day to make changes, a new day to observe, a new day to invent, a new day to make mistakes, a new day to make amends.

I’m thankful for the peace that we have encapsulated from the chaos in the world. I’m thankful to know the whereabouts of my loved ones and wish them a good day today.

A new day for new creations, a new day to learn a new skill.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

dream

I had a pretty interesting dream last night and when I articulated it to my mom t breakfast, something hit me.

In the beginning of the dream, the idea was I had a imminent chemistry exam, which as usual I have not studied for. And as with all exams, there’s always another exam the next day, which useless to say I have also not studied for. In fact I could not even recall the subject I was to be tested on.

So having delayed and struggled for as long as I could, time has come for me to leave the house for school. And amazingly my hated cousin of many years ago decided to bring his skinny ass girlfriend back into our house, into the room I was changing which used to be where he stayed when he annoyed us.

We had a riff, and boy was I glad to be hurling words at him that I have always wanted to, and oh was he super annoying by comparing my rounded body with that of his super skinny girlfriend. I was so pissed off. Before his appeared in my dream, I was trying to get into a blue work suit which I believed was an astronaut wear simply because it was so difficult to put on. I gave up because the cousin and his girlfriend interrupted me.

When I finally got dressed, white tank and skirt and cardigan (whut -.-), I was already half an hour late for paper, it’s almost ridiculous to go but I continue with the mission anyway. When my cousin shouted after me that he is more accomplished than I am, I went “bullshit I have more qualifications than you!”.

I ran towards a cab that was a sportscar, driver is a Caucasian. It’s those kinda car that has a super small entrance and nonsense door that you have no idea how to close. And he tried to drive off while I was still inserting myself into the car, making me hop on one leg chasing after the other half of my body in the car.

When I finally seated firmly inside the car, I told him to go to NUS exam hall, and he turned to ask me how to go there. End of dream.

Friday, March 7, 2014

decisions

Today I have come to the decision that I must change my ways. 1. Finish work before play 2. Do not think of work when supposed to play 3. Draw more more MORE 4. Date somebody 5. Never oversleep 6. Run everyday 7. Pay bills Asap 8. MOVE OUT FROM HOME

Thursday, November 7, 2013

decisions

Today I have come to the decision that I must change my ways. 1. Finish work before play 2. Do not think of work when supposed to play 3. Date somebody 4. Never oversleep 5. Run everyday 6. Pay bills Asap