Stressed out

I'm gonna imagine myself on a curve. Right now, I am at the lowest point, or nearby, called a trough I believe. 

I have a awesome bad habit which is to automatically distress when I feel stressed. It worked well for me before because it was all external stress that I was facing and my mechanism allowed me to ignore it.

Well it is kind of different this time. I suddenly feel a deep sense of disatisfaction with myself because this "thing" called a passion is stressing me out and giving self-esteem issues coz I so fucking suck hard at it. And having so many things to juggle is not helping in any way.

I want to do well in so many ways. But I am just stuck at this slippery slope, like the one in the Ninja Warriors game show, one that I'm always a little short from grabbing the edge. 

I suppose this is an inevitable stage/phase, and I firmly believe that I will tough through it because this is the time of my life to work really hard, now that I have a direction and had a headstart in it already. Not that giving up has ever stayed long enough in my mind because the following thought of doing anything else stopped it. 

I know this is so hard, and there are so many things that I want to do, and the toughest part is prioritizing and making the best use of my time. Sometimes I just sit infront of my screen and envying other people and their happy lives, and their perfect halves. 

Did I mention that I am single and not wanting to date at all, because I am so preoccupied and any guy that I go out with are just not able to distract me long enough before I feel that I should be investing time in my work.

Stressed as I may be, I do feel that there is no other place and time I'd rather be. 

So onwards I must push myself. 

Zbrush Zbrush i must conquer you!